EXPATMOTHER

Livet som expatmamma är en utmaning, i många avseenden.
Lika mycket som det är en utmaning är det även berikande.
Det går aldrig att i förväg förutspå vad det kommer att innebära att flytta med en hel familj utomlands. Under resans gång upptäcker du nya känslor och sidor hos dig själv och familjen som du måste hantera. Inte helt självklart och lätt alla gånger.
Livet som expatmamma kräver mod. Ganska många skulle gärna vilja vara expatmamma om de fick chansen, säger de. Väldigt många av dessa skulle backa och inte våga när tillfället väl gavs, tror jag. Helt naturligt, enligt mig.

En förutfattat mening som jag tror en del har av expatlivet är att vi expats lever ett sorts "lyxliv" utan problem och där allt bara flyter på bara för att vi har en chaufför och en maid på heltid.
De som tror det kan inte ha mer fel. Enligt mig.
Det är så väldigt svårt att förklara känslor och sätta ord på hela den komplexa situation som det innebär att bo och leva som expats. Det måste upplevas själv!
Naturligtvis är alla människor olika och har olika förutsättningar med jobb och hur familjesituationen ser ut. Saker som jag brottas med och tycker är jobbiga tycker en annan inte alls är besvärliga och tvärtom.

I slutändan handlar det ändå till stor del om ditt eget mindset och hur du väljer att hantera olika situationer. Kan tyckas enkelt och självklart för många medan det kräver längre tid för andra.
Men även om livet som expat innebär många utmaningar och uppoffringar så är det i slutändan så klart värt det!

Nedan artikel förklarar på många punkter ganska bra vad jag känner och går igenom.

http://www.unspecial.org/2013/03/expatmothers/

"Bringing up children in an unfamiliar environment and subjecting them to drastic changes of cultures, schools, friends, geography and climate is a unique challenge. This article is dedicated to those mothers who lead a mobile lifestyle, and bring up their children in ever-changing cultural environments and without an extended family and long-time friends to accompany them in what is probably the most magical and profound experience a woman can have. The lives of these mothers are marked by distinct factors and feelings.

Children usually don’t accept changes easily. While being very resilient creatures, most of them don’t like the idea of saying good-bye to a cosy and familiar setting, to move to an unknown country, a new school, and to have to make new friends, let alone learn a new language. Abruptly pulling them out of what constitutes their world is a task that always fills a mother with anguish and guilt. Adults are aware of the motivations that push them to new adventures, but children can be frustrated by a choice they do not share. Accompanying them through the process of breaking-thenews- saying-good-bye-packing-leaving-arriving- unpacking-settling-down can be painful and stressful for a mother, especially if she is the one in charge of helping the whole family build a new social and affective circle when relocating.

Upon arrival expatmothers are often first in line to help the family adapt, despite having no concrete link to the new country – no job, no school, no role. This feeling of isolation can be made stronger by the pressure of having to be optimistic and positive, so as to ease the transition for the whole family. Expatmothers become the glue that keeps the project together, the link that gives meaning to the suffering of relocating. That is why it is essential that expatmothers be very enthusiastic and profoundly convinced of their choice. Relocating demands a lot of emotional energy and commitment, but it can turn into a fabulous experience if the project really comes from the heart. Only strong motivation will enable expatmothers to communicate to their children the enthusiasm needed to overcome the initial obstacles.

The inability to clearly interpret the situation and give it back simplified and comprehensible to their children is another burden for expatmothers, who become the filter their children need to read their new surroundings. They must understand new and unknown lifestyles, registers, attitudes, and cultural expressions in order to fit in. While for permanent mothers the process of helping their children decode the world starts and ends in a known and familiar surrounding, expatmothers have to go through it in a world that is unknown to them. They must explain attitudes and behaviours they don’t understand to their children. While it is impossible to do that at the beginning, what can be shared and reinforced in children is the sense of curiosity and discovery that gives value to the encounter with a new culture. Instead of simply explaining how things work, it can be worthwhile to stimulate children in the journey of discovery, stressing the richness that comes from it.

The lack of a support network, which back home is constituted by an extended family, long-time friends, neighbours, and so on, is another problem expatmothers must learn to deal with. Without a supportive network, every single choice becomes difficult. Not only do expatmothers lack all the elements needed to take decisions, because they don’t know the culture, but they also have no one to rely on when choosing for their children. Besides, if anything sudden and serious happens (an accident, a disease, political troubles), expatmothers can only count on themselves to take care of their children. They certainly become experts in building solidarity and support networks, but this takes time, and that’s why it is very important to break the isolation as soon as possible: schools, expat clubs, women’s associations, neighbours, anything that can help get in touch with people is a must for relocating mothers.

Another difficulty expatmothers usually report is being geographically far from their parents, which means depriving their children of the pleasure of growing up with their grandparents. Especially for cultures that hold the extended family as a fundamental value, distance can be a big source of suffering. The good news is that technology and developments in the travel industry have made it very easy to shorten this distance. For an expatchild, talking to grandparents on Skype has become very natural, and grandparents travel more than in the past, thus establishing an affective routine that could be the envy of any ‘permanent’ grandchild. It is just a matter of using creativity and changing perspective to accept a new way of enjoying the family".